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10 Feb 1991 - Channel 10 broadcast an episode of The Simpsons entitled 'Bart the Genius'. It is the first episode of The Simpsons to be broadcast in Australia.

For me, that day was life changing. Ever since then, I have been watching repeats of The Simpsons.

Leaving the country has not helped. It seems to be written in the Constitution of the World that every country must play re-runs of the Simpsons at 18:00.

Even when the voices have been overdubbed in a foreign tongue, I still stare on, already knowing what the lines are in English.

In fact, it has been a good way to learn different languages. I now know how to say 'D'oh' in French, German and Dutch.

I've managed to re-arrange or avoid things like homework, work and family meals all my life in order to feed my addiction.

More recently, my two young children are launching their best attempt at finally ending the grasp this cartoon has over me.

I am not bitter at The Simpsons. I am not about to launch a lawsuit at Matt Groening, in a similar vein to Caesar Barber (he unsuccessfully filed a lawsuit against McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and KFC Corporations for making him obese).

The Simpsons has given me a lot of laughs over a lot of years (albeit the same ones), and I am truly thankful for that.

But it has failed me in one way: Maggie.

Maggie is the youngest of the Simpson family. She is perpetually 1 year old, a baby forever.

Although she is in a lot of the scenes, she is most definitely not a scene stealer.

She is quiet, goes along with whatever the family are doing, and rarely gets any attention, except for the odd occasion when she is trying to say her first word or is shooting a multi-billionaire.

Maggie also:
- Sleeps all night.
- Rarely ever needs changing.
- Falls over (that was her trademark in the early episodes) and gets back up without crying, even if she knows her parents have seen her.
- Substitutes her dummy (or pacifier in Simpsons language) for objects such as a chess piece and a crayon without causing hysteria amongst the family.

As a parent....
As a parent (if you have children, always start a statement with 'as a parent', it somehow gives it validity) I now know that she is a mythical super-child.

Real babies are the centre of their world, and your world, and anybody elses world that happens to happen upon theirs.

Another thing that The Simpsons don't consider is the envoronmental impact of raising a child.

As a parent, I know that children stomp their carbon footprint into the ground with some attitude.

Ironically, I have found that one of the best ways to lower the energy use of the family (and to drain some of the energy out of the children) is to spend as much time as we can outdoors, away from the electronica of home.

So now I am usually at the park, next to the trampoline or at the local swimming pool with my kids when the clock strikes 'Simpsons'.

Children, would you like them to really be like Maggie?